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{{loved|[[Haylen]]}}
{{loved|[[xRECKONERx]]}}
I play erratic.  'Nough said.  Its the non-play stuff that makes me Furry.
I play erratic.  'Nough said.  Its the non-play stuff that makes me Furry.


I'm 21, I'm in college and working, yes I'm gay, yes im pretty much a furry.  Accepted my sexuality back in high school, was the first time I've ever really been much of an outcast.  I was never popular by any means, but it was my first lesson in life being harsh, and people not being accepting of who I really was.  People I considered friends really stopped talking to me, life was different.  College came though, which has been a labor in it own.
I guess im also borderline depressive given my life, maybe bitter is a better word for what ive nearly been cornered into, not fun though.  Basically yes I am gay, I use basically because in certain scenarios im not but majority of the time yea, anyways.  Recently ive heard someone call it 'homo-flexable' I like that term.  That and being a furry really just ends poorly for me.
 
Most people are always taught of the basic good nature of others and how we are all there for eachother and all that other stuff.  This comes from family, religion, or other stuff.  Most things are accepted, for some reason though I find im not really.  People almost seem afraid of me for being gay.  They act like being around me will result in them... hell I dont know.  People just never seem to know to act around me after they know.  These are the better people too.
 
What gets me most, is that I know what its like to really be hated by people for something that is way beyond my control.  That is what has basically destroyed my faith in everything.  The fact that people truely hate me for who I am, its one of the worst feelings you could ever have, yet its something that I experience daily.  I get mocked, recieve slurs, get threatened and so on.  Its really enough to make you snap.
 
I take it in stride, with a smile and a skip.  Inside though I usually am slowly dying.  At times I really wonder if being me is really worth the emotional pain.  If I should really just drink the kool-aid and slip into the crowd, into nothingness, and see if that lets me escape the pain.
 
Who knows really.


At this point I had really realized that me being me results in a whole lot of emotional pain.  I get ignored, laughed at, discriminated against, its enough to really start to drive you over the edge.  So I left the old me back in high school, and have moved on.  Three years have passed, I have my friends, no one knows that im gay.  People makes jokes about it given that im the only one really who isn't in a relationship, but I just go along with it.  I don't want a repeat of what had already happened in life.  My way of avoiding the problem though has almost made me hate myself to an extent.  I have no idea what song ive heard has the line "Who I am hates who I've been", but that is a perfect example of what is going on here.
Also hugs help.


Who I act like is not who I really am.  At times I will scurry off to San Fransisco and I can more be who I really am, but that's rare.  With having to put on a facade at school and work, its almost like a little personal hell I have made for myself.  The fear of showing the real me to people is something that I really cant get past, so I end up basically living a lie for most of the time. Its rough, its depressing, but its all I can do it seems.
If I could be like that, I would give anything.  Just to live one day, in those shoes.  If I could be like that, what would I do? What would I do?


[[Category:Scummers]]
[[Category: Scummers]]
[[Category: West Coast Scumbags]]

Latest revision as of 03:05, 20 September 2010

Haylen loves you.

We're not sure why. Just be grateful you are.

<3


xRECKONERx loves you.

We're not sure why. Just be grateful you are.

<3


I play erratic. 'Nough said. Its the non-play stuff that makes me Furry.

I guess im also borderline depressive given my life, maybe bitter is a better word for what ive nearly been cornered into, not fun though. Basically yes I am gay, I use basically because in certain scenarios im not but majority of the time yea, anyways. Recently ive heard someone call it 'homo-flexable' I like that term. That and being a furry really just ends poorly for me.

Most people are always taught of the basic good nature of others and how we are all there for eachother and all that other stuff. This comes from family, religion, or other stuff. Most things are accepted, for some reason though I find im not really. People almost seem afraid of me for being gay. They act like being around me will result in them... hell I dont know. People just never seem to know to act around me after they know. These are the better people too.

What gets me most, is that I know what its like to really be hated by people for something that is way beyond my control. That is what has basically destroyed my faith in everything. The fact that people truely hate me for who I am, its one of the worst feelings you could ever have, yet its something that I experience daily. I get mocked, recieve slurs, get threatened and so on. Its really enough to make you snap.

I take it in stride, with a smile and a skip. Inside though I usually am slowly dying. At times I really wonder if being me is really worth the emotional pain. If I should really just drink the kool-aid and slip into the crowd, into nothingness, and see if that lets me escape the pain.

Who knows really.

Also hugs help.

If I could be like that, I would give anything. Just to live one day, in those shoes. If I could be like that, what would I do? What would I do?

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